I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
