I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
