And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
