apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
