Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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