So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
