why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
