Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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