Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
