If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
