Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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