I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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