dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
