I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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