I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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