I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
