I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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