remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
