As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
