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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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