I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
