this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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