All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
