Where did you get a picture of my penis
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
