I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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