i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
