I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
