You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
