Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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