It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
