Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
