I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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