I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
