I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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