So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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