there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
