She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
