so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
