but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
