Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
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