mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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