wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
