Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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