you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
