I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
