Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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