the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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