talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
