apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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