omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
