and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
