Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
