Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
