the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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