i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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